Right now, everyone is on edge. Increased aggression and belligerence are on display at every turn. People who deal with people (that's almost all of us) need help navigating these encounters.
I recently gave a workshop on conflict de-escalation for a client. My favourite tip is this: stop arguing your point when the other person becomes inflamed. Once the conflict has escalated to become an emotional, rather than a rational, encounter, your goal is to de-escalate the conflict. That's it. It's not to win the point, or prove the justice of your cause, or shame the other person for their reaction. It's just to take the temperature down.
How can you do this? Try changing your mindset from "what kind of person would react this way?" to "this person is having a natural response to something that has really bothered them."
If you can see the anger as justified, even if you do not agree that it is, you can start to speak to the person in a way that makes them feel understood. In mental wellness circles, this is called emotional validation.
Things you can say to try to de-escalate: "I can see this really makes you upset", "I get why you're angry - [fill in reason]", "you don't want to ___, I understand", "These rules are frustrating", etc.
Once people are calmer, then you can go into the expectations and consequences for the situation. But trying to reason through an emotional outburst is like singing an aria during a fire drill. It may sound good, but no one is listening.
(article published on LinkedIn on September 10, 2021).
